Friday, October 31, 2008

A complex issue

Recently I posted a blog about five time loser in marriage "Lorrie" Morgan. Although I didn't really make any comments except she has the worst time picking the right guy, I had a couple people privately e-mail me an tell me I should mind my own business in the marriage realm because after all divorce is just a standard in today's modern life. I won't publish these e-mails however I will take the time to answer the criticism as what has been implied.

I am married and have been so for going on 23 years, to the very same woman I said YES to the FIRST time. I first met my lovely wife while on leave from Osan AB, Korea. My roommate(Randy) was from CA and he talked me into taking leave with him during the month of October of 1982 to meet people who he described as his fill in parents. Being that I grew up in the foster system for quite some time I could relate so I scheduled time to visit his family instead of my own.

It was at this time after arriving at the home of where we would be staying that I met the woman who is my wife. She was drop dead beautiful and dating some dork wannabe cop, and yet I thought she was a stuck up individual by first impression. Her first impression of me was even worse so it was NOT romance at first site. During the 30 days of vacation we visited Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farms, Six Flags Magic Mtn(my first visit too all of these)without her boyfriend but with my overseas roommate. Randy's real dad lived in southern CA so while we were down there he looked him up and decided to stay for a few days.

At this point it was just Janine and I for the long drive back to the Bay Area. I must say we had a good drive back telling each other a little about our past and she seemed to lose that edge that I imagined was there. I had a decent time while in CA but the 30 days of leave went by quite quickly and back to Korea we went. I decided to stay in touch with what I decided to call my second family, we sent letters back and forth quite frequently and even exchanged Christmas presents via the mail during the holidays. Janine's mom and dad stayed in touch even after I left Korea for FL as did Janine. During my tenure in FL Janine's letters started to sound as if she was reaching out for help in trying to releive herself from a bad relationship so I invited her to take a vacation to FL.

She never did make it and her letters came less frequently, I found out later that her boyfriend intercepted the letter saying she should visit FL and her letters were ending up in the trash. She was in a deadend relationship with a domineering male counterpart.

After the service I went back to PA but stayed in touch with my second family. After about nine months PA just did not have anything for me and my second family invited me back to CA so back out to CA I went. Janine was still dating the same guy although you could tell she wasn't happy, however her parents and friends had been quite persistent to get her to marry the guy.
After about a month her boyfriend decided that her and I had no romantic affliations so he befriended me and we did much together from bike tours, triathalons and numerous other events throughout the state. Although I knew Janine was unhappy I hadn't a clue as to why because when she was around she put on a good face.

The boyfriend(I'll call him Bob)decided I was trustworthy after all I had NO interest in her anyhow. Bob ask me to watch over her, take her out so she wasn't stuck at home all the time while he was at work so I complied with his request. That was probably a large mistake on his part now that I look back since we were able to compare notes on why it was that she stopped writing and never answered my invite to FL.

We hit it off from some reason since we don't have many like interest. I'm a sports nut and she hates sports. She likes the theater as in plays, I dispice them. I like restoring muscle cars and 50ish pick up trucks, she thinks a vehicle is how you get from point A to B.

I don't know what magic has transpired between us but I swore an oath to her and GOD for the rest of my life, without her the world does not revovle on the correct axis. She was then and still is the best thing that has ever transpired in my life and for that I am eternally grateful.

This December will be 23 years and I wouldn't trade the last 23 years for any other that I can imagine. We've had ups and quite a few downs the "D" word even got mentioned a couple times between kids however through it all the trials and tribulations have made our relationship stronger.

I believe in this day and age "divorce" is the easiest solution instead of taking a long look in the mirror to determine why it is that you got married in the first place and what it is that brought about the demise of the relationship. It is called communication, something of which lacks in many a relationship.

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